Fermented Mare's Milk

Last Friday during our Russian lesson, I inadvertently learned a dirty word. I'm still not sure what the word means exactly, but I can at least say it.

We were learning new verbs, so Jarken, our tutor, was having us use the verbs in sentences. One of the verbs we were learning, peasat (I can't type in Cyrillic, so phonetics will have to do for now), means 'to write.' Of the verbs we know, most all of them are conjugated by dropping the last consonant and adding, in the first person, what sounds like you. Given no evidence to the contrary, I assumed this would be how one should conjugate this verb as well. I looked at Jarken and said Ya peeshayou poemey, thinking I was saying 'I write poems.'

She sat back in her chair and shook her head. Then, in a voice far more stern than usual, she said, in English, No. Please remember, 'peeshyou, not peeshayou.' I chalked this up to the usual and frequent instances when I somehow foul up the language and Jarken kindly reminds me of it. As it was late in the lesson and she'd already been correcting me on a fairly steady basis for over an hour, the stern tone of voice seemed maybe fitting.

A few minutes later, again piecing together sentences with our new verbs but in a different context, I again said Ya peeshayou poemey. Jarken immediately said No. That is for...that is for toilet! Please do not say. Confused, Erin and I looked at one another then both looked at Jarken. She explained in broken English and a series of charades that it is what little children do in their pants, what people do in the toilet, and that by adding that one syllable I was horribly altering the meaning of my sentence. Shaking her head, she repeated what I'd said and laughed for a good, long minute.

I piss poems. Or I shit poems. I'm not sure which. Either one, though...not so much, thanks.